14 Years

Today is the 14th anniversary of my Dad's death. For those who might like, I posted something about it on my blog.

Dad, 14 Years After

Here's to us all!

Father's Day

Well, here it is, Father's Day, again. It's always kind of a bittersweet day for me and it seemed only appropriate to post something here, in the company of my fellow "Dead Dad Club" members. For those of you who are missing Dad today, I'm right there with you. I know that not all of of our fathers did stellar jobs in the fathering department (mine included), but that doesn't mean that we don't still miss them. I mean, I can acknowledge that he wasn't the world's best father and yet still love him and miss him, right? Right. Even though I don't know any of you, I feel that I can be "real" with you here. So, for better or for worse, here's to our dearly departed dads. And, for those of you who are fathers yourselves, I wish you a happy Father's Day. May you always strive to be the father that your kids deserve. (And your kids deserve the best.)

Random intarwebs guy tries to profit off of deaddad.net, fails

This was in my inbox this morning:

Recently, deaddad.com expired and went into a
domain name auction. We acquired it and, since you
own the .net version of this domain name, we
wanted to provide you with the opportunity to own the
preferred .com version.

Our company specializes in recovering preferred expiring
domains and either selling them to individuals such as
yourself or building out our own web presence on those
valuable domains.

deaddad.com is a pretty darn good domain name and,
the truth is, the .COM is a far stronger version of the
name than the .NET is.

* .Com is the strongest brand on the internet.
When people think of a website, they intuitively
think '.com'. Odds are people trying to get to
your website are inadvertently going to deaddad.com
because they assume that's where they can find you.

* .Com conveys Professionalism that .net & .org
cannot match.

If you'd like to own deaddad.com, you can buy it
now by covering our acquisition costs and a modest profit.

If you have any interest I encourage you to act quickly
because this domain name will only be offered for sale
for a limited time.

The funniest part (except perhaps the irony of randomly capitalizing "Professionalism") is that they want $558 for it! Did he even look at our site? I don't think it exactly screams "up-and-coming-business-with-marketing-budget."

16 years gone and I still miss him

Dec. 1, 1939 - May 4, 1992

Dad's Atlantic Dispersal

Dad's Atlantic Dispersal
Originally uploaded by kaphine

The boat trip.

Scattered

Scattered, originally uploaded by realsupergirl.

Wednesday we observed the one-year anniversary of Dad's death. We shared memories, company and a nice boat cruise. We sent him to the ocean as he wanted, and we tried to let him go.

Letting go isn't easy. I've been more emotional the last couple weeks leading up to this. I cry when least expected. He was only 57.

Sunday morning, a dear friend lost her brother of 25 years to a brain tumor. There's just too much loss.

Thanks to  for taking some lovely pictures of Dad's Atlantic Dispersal.

 

Dad's Last Night in Town

Tomorrow morning, on the first anniversary of my father's death, my spouse and I are meeting my sister and her partner in Boothbay Harbor, Maine to scatter the third of his ashes I brought back with me after his funeral. It's time to let go. I'm ready, and I'm not ready.

Mark Daniel Woodward

August 31, 1949 - April 16, 2007

He was a lousy father, apparently an iffy husband, but a very likable man. He could make buddies anywhere and strike up a conversation with anyone. He always had an entertaining story or joke to share. He was unafraid to try anything. Dad was larger than life, and so is his absence.

Dead Dad in The Onion!

birthday

My dad was born March 4th, 1939, the youngest of 12 kids. His mom was 51 when he was born, and his dad was 76. He was an uncle to a 12 year-old at birth. He was the tallest of them all, and the first one in his whole family to attend college. His brother who was just older than he was died when they were kids, as did his father, so in a lot of day-to-day ways it was just him & his mom. I wonder how she felt on this day 69 years ago, welcoming her final child, the one who would turn out to be vastly more devoted to her than any of the others. I'll never forget once saying to my father, in a teenage know-it-all snitty snotty moment, "Nothing lasts forever." His eyes welled up and he looked straight at me and said, "That's not true. I have loved my mother every day of my life." It blew me away because he didn't usually say things like that, and he rarely talked about his mother. She died suddenly, three days before I was born.

How?

A friend was just told that his dad has only a few weeks left. I want to be there for him. But the situation is eerily close to my own experience.
It's bringing up all sorts of feelings of sadness and self pity that I've worked so hard to limit in my everyday life. (They tend to surface on special occasions like weddings, birthdays, and Father's Day.)
How can I help him deal without reliving my own painful experience?

Anniversary

It is the anniversary of my father's death. His life ceased around 6am on January 24, 2002.

Has it really been 6 years?

I suppose it gets a little less raw every day of every year. I suppose. But some days I'm not sure.

Celebrating New Year's is always bittersweet for me. It's a chance to being anew - resolutions, diets, etc. - but it also brings me a day closer to tearing open that wound once again. January may be about beginnings for some people. But to me, January is about endings.


(In a sick twist of fate, another relative was killed in a freak car accident a year to the day that my dad died).

Dumping Dad

My Dad's first death anniversary will be in April, and I'm starting to plan his wished-for "salt water dispersal."

I'm not sure how ceremonial we want to be, although I know it will be a very small gathering and we won't be using any sort of officiant.

Do any of you have experiences, recommendations, prayers, readings, or other great ideas that may be nice for this occasion? Or just your own stories would be nice to hear.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

(I figure it was about time for a posting, seeing as the last one was over two months ago. If your New Year falls on another date, or you otherwise feel excluded/marginalized by the majority celebration, my apologies.)

I'm pretty sure my dad must be smiling right now, where ever he is!

EDIT: the time is screwy on this post, but uh, it's in reference to THE WORLD CHAMPION SOX!

Because it's been too long since we've had a new post here.

I've gained weight since my dad died (April 2007). Before his death, I had successfully lost a little weight. But it's back. With friends.

9-30

Yesterday was my Dad's birthday, as well as MY WIFE's Dad's birthday, both deceased now. In their honor, we ate way too much Chinese food and told some corny jokes. I have no doubt they are pleased to see us carry on our family traditions in such a spirited fashion :-)

My Dead Dad's Birthday Party

My Dead Dad's Birthday Party
Originally uploaded by kaphine

Here's a late photo from my August 31 party in honor of my father's birthday. He was never afraid of morbid humor, so I figured he'd kinda like our take on it.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Today's my dad's birthday, the first since his death in April. I'm thinking of him much lately. It's weird. Weird that he's dead. Weird that time moves on, and the grief lessens. Weird that he feels further away, but sometimes closer, too.

Love Card Day

Hi, Folks!

Since my Dad is dead, and I have a story (somewhat) concerning him, Eeka kindly invited me to join your august assemblage. I'm glad to be here.

The story is a bit lengthy, so rather than post it here directly, I'll offer you the chance to go to where it originally appeared - my blog, "Suldog".

Love Card Day

I hope you enjoy it, and thanks for having me. As always, it's a pleasure being had.

Jim

Membership drive

Some folks have posted asking how they can join. If you're interested in joining, please leave a comment that includes your e-mail address (disguising it from spambots is fine) or e-mail me at ksanti at gmail dot com, and I'll send you an invite. The only qualifications necessary are to have a dead dad and a morbid sense of humor.

My dead dad's birthday will be August 31. It's a Friday this year. As it's the first birthday since his death, I was thinking about maybe doing something. Maybe inviting some other Dead Dad Club members in the Boston area to join me. Responses? Ideas? Oh, and I haven't asked my sweetie yet.

A Dead Dad in a Wheelbarrow

You just can't make this stuff up. Well, I suppose you could, but who would want to?

Wow, two sentences in a row ending with prepositions. I think I might get fired from this blog.

Dead Dad Advice from Carolyn Hax

Reston, Va.: Hi Carolyn,

I'm an avid reader, and I'm hoping you can help me. My father passed away at age 64 unexpectedly this past March. I miss him unbelievably, and am not looking forward to Sunday. Any advice on how to march on through, and what should I do for my mother, who will probably struggle on Sunday also?

Carolyn Hax: Don't march. Remember him, honor him, celebrate him, cry, but don't march. Think of it as visiting a gravesite. It doesn't change the fact that someone's gone, it doesn't stop the world from turning, it's just an invitation to bring someone to the front of your mind for a while. Since it sounds like he's already there, I doubt Sunday will bring any surprises you haven't already shown yourself you can handle.

Here's the rest of the chat.

Watch out while visiting Dead Dads!

By way of Universal Hub:

Boston Police report that a woman who had just lit a memorial candle at her father's grave at Forest Hills yesterday afternoon was in her car about to leave when a guy came up to her, showed a box cutter and demanded she get out of the car. Police patrolling Centre Street in West Roxbury 30 minutes later spotted the car; arrested Jamal Daniels, 26, of Roslindale on a carjacking charge.

Cancer Sucks. . .

. . . and so did April.

My father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer roughly two years ago. It was inoperable, and at the time, his prognosis was six months. He started chemotherapy, bought a boat, and made the most of his time. Even though his treatment was complicated by PKD (kidney disease) and uroligical issues, he responded well to treatment and his prognosis stretched out. Dad used his time wisely, making time to clear the air and tie up loose ends with those he cared about. For this, he referred to his diagnosis as a blessing and a treat.

Just over a month ago, Dad had finished a particularly rough course of chemo which had made him extremely ill. Three months of this treatment only slowed the growth of cancer without diminishing the primary tumor. Over two years, his chemo options had been narrowed to this. He had a month to decide whether to continue this chemo or to discontinue chemo all together. If he continued chemo, his quality of life would be poor at best. During treatment he slept 20 hours a day, he was unable to eat or keep food down, his eyesight was worsened, and his mental concentration was so poor that he was unable to read or do any mental arithmatic. Even conversation was difficult at best. Without chemo his prognosis was six months. Dad was planning to choose quality of life over quantity. No matter what, he was going to die, so why shouldn't he be comfortable and be able to enjoy it some.

The first weekend in April, I received an email from Dad. He had an intestinal blockage, and his medical condition was very serious. He was unable to eat. Suddenly, his prognosis was weeks at best. My spouse and I flew out the next weekend to see Dad. It was shocking to see how thin he had become. But, I was in time to actually talk with him. It was a hard weekend, but I was grateful for it. He was definately on his death bed. At times, his breathing would be so difficult that I wasn't sure the next breath would come. He kept breathing, and I returned to my life, only to make two phone calls a day to see how he was doing.

Finally, on April 16 the call came. It was over.

It's been harder than I expected. I thought I was prepared. I thought I had gotten used to the idea. But really, it sucks that he's dead.

Not-So-Newbie

Hey kids, I'm new to the site, but not to the dead dad thing...mine up and died in 1993 after a dramatically long 13 year battle with cancer! Ewww...anyway, it was tragic (as most dead dad deaths are), and I'm scarred for life as a result! My dead dad has affected everything, from my career choice to my sex life, and I'm sure it's not going to go away any time soon (much to the dismay of my man).

One interesting note is that my dead dad died on Christmas Day 1993 (isn't that a hoot!), and just as a little icing on the cake, my family thought it would be great to videotape the funeral! So anytime you want to come over, fire up the popcorn, and dig out a VCR, I've got a VHS that you just can't WAIT to see! It includes a touching, yet loooong, eulogy from my dead dad's long lost brother.

Maybe I'll think about posting a clip here, if I ever get it transferred to DVD...

Two New Links for You

First of all, did you know that there's a book called The Dead Fathers Club? It's fairly new. I can't help but wonder if perhaps a working title was The Dead Dads Club, until the author came across this site. A girl can dream, right?

And this just popped up on my google alert. It cites the Dead Dads Club mentioned on Gray's Anatomy. Except for how she doesn't understand the use of apostrophes in possessives. See, it's not a club where dead dads get together...

Happy birthday?

Or is it?

As my birthday approaches (it's on Friday), I miss my dad more than I have all year. Even started crying at work today when someone brought up the topic. Time heals all wounds, and all that crap are true, but it doesn't make birthdays seem any easier to get through.

DEAD DAD ART

After yesterday's news stories, I decided to get myself a google alert for "dead dad." There are a few stories here and there, but there was a really interesting one from a few weeks ago. Some guy sculpted a naked, prone, realistic-looking dead dad. And here I thought eeka and I were messed up with the Sanddad.

OH NO YOU DON'T

Keith Richards, you can't take that back once you've said it! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

It's a banner news day for dead dads!

I don't know what's more messed up: turning your dad into a diamond or snorting him.

Woman loses battle to turn dead dad into diamond

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman's plan to turn her dead father's ashes into a diamond was thwarted Tuesday by her grandmother.


(Oops, sorry, did I just republish your Reuters content without prior written consent?)

TV tribute, sort of

I meant to post this a while ago, but life's been a bit hectic.
Anyway, it seems that Grey's Anatomy referenced a Dead Dads Club in the episode "Six Days (part 2)".

WHEN DEAD DADS DIE

This came in the mail. I initially thought it needed to be scanned and blogged just because, well, the dead parent aspect. But then I looked at it more closely, and there are just many things about it that are funny/sick/wrong/disturbing. The use of "quotes" for "emphasis" from an overly educated published author, for one. And the random pseudonordic hyphenated and compound constructions, which aren't even used consistently. And the random use of language in general. I especially like the word "Decembered." Then there's the whole aspect of taking a grief workshop from some dude named Ivan. Plus, just LOOK at him.







Everyone say it with me now...FRIENDGRIEF!

No hearse?

A sm'am from the funeral place that runs the cemetary where my dead dad is buried came by to talk to my mom about some stuff (the ownership of the cemetary has changed and there are some different options for things now). I was disappointed he didn't drive a hearse; it was a Toyota pickup.

Intro

Hi, I'm Lyss. Eeka was kind enough to let me join the club. My dad, Fred, died in January of 2002, roughly two months after a cancer diagnosis. It's always nice to 'meet' like-minded people, even if it is for an unusual reason.

Huh huh

If my dad were alive, he'd be 69 today.

Dead dad requests refund from MBTA

MBTA police have uncovered hundreds of thousands of dollars in fraud by scofflaw riders who submitted heaps of phony refund requests on behalf of deceased relatives, unwitting friends and even a pet golden retriever named Max, T officials said.

They uncovered fraud by a Rhode Island man who submitted refund requests in the name of his deceased father.

The headline on the print version even used the actual phrase "dead dad." If anyone has a copy they can scan, please do so and submit it!

DEAD DAD DAY

I wake up this morning and think, "it's Dead Dad Day." I decided I would take a drive over to the cemetary and pay him a visit. At first, I was thinking that I should stop at the florist and get flowers to bring, but my dad would not have entirely appreciated that. Though he was a great gardener, he thought flowers were pretty gay. That's just the way my dad was. Then I thought, "some very thoughtful friends gave me a beer the other day that would be perfect for my dad!" After all, he's dead. I don't think the alcoholism is an issue any more. So, I brought my dad a beer.









Make sure you click on the last picture in full size to get a good look at the label. Trust me, it's worth a look.

The tale of the sanddad

On June 20, 2004, Jodie and I went to the beach on Cape Cod (a.k.a. The Hook). There were all these families there who were like wishing a happy father's day to their dads and who were running into neighbors and saying stuff like, "oh, are you guys doing father's day stuff?" and stuff like that. Well, Jodie and I felt left out. See, we can't hang out with our dads on father's day, because our dads are dead dads. I mean, I suppose we COULD hang out with them, but that's kind of fucked. Anyway, I digress. So we decided we wanted to have dads too, just like all the rest of the lovely families on the beach. Um, these beachgoing families also had coordinated Land's End beach totes and umbrellas, but I didn't see us coveting that stuff. But again, I digress. So we wanted a dad so much that we made one:

So yeah. That's the dad we made. After we had a dad, we felt much better. We were like all of the other kids. Oh, and then we were lying there in the sun frying and we heard some girl yell, "Is that your dad?" We shrieked with laughter, but then we looked up and she was talking to her friend, whose dad was walking toward them. Oh well. We can pretend she meant us. Isn't creating your own reality what this page is all about?


We now return you to our normally scheduled Dead Dad Page, already in progress.

eeka's dead dad's grave

Jodie's dead dad's grave

eeka's dead dad's obituary

Jodie's dead dad's obituary. It's wrong though. Dana never lived in Rhode Island. Or maybe he just didn't know he did. Hey, he should join our club.

John H. 'Jack' Deignan III, 62 Marstons Mills - John H. "Jack" Deignan III, 62, retired automobile salesman, died Saturday, Jan. 22, 2000, at Cape Cod Hospital in Hyannis. He was the husband of Cheryl (Amiot) Deignan. Mr. Deignan was born in Providence. He served in the Army for four years and worked as an automobile salesman for many years in the Providence area and on Cape Cod. He retired due to illness in 1989. He moved to Yarmouthport in 1972 and then to Marstons Mills in 1975. He was a member of the Cape Cod YMCA, where he was a volunteer helping disabled children swim. He was an avid sports fan and played golf and gardened until his illness. Besides his wife, Mr. Deignan is survived by two children, Dana P. Deignan of Warwick, R.I., and Jodie L. Deignan of East Falmouth; his mother, Marjorie (Kindelan) Deignan; three brothers, Michael Deignan and Stephen Deignan of Hilton Head, N.C. and Paul Deignan of Waters, Mich.; three sisters, Mary "Mini" Maser of Hilton Head, Sheila Brennan of Warwick, R.I., and Margaret Lisi of East Greenwich, R.I.; and many nieces and nephews. A funeral Mass was celebrated at Our Lady of Victory Church, Centerville. Burial was in Massachusetts National Cemetery, Bourne. Memorial donations may be made to Cape Cod YMCA, 2245 Iyannough Road, West Barnstable, Mass. 02668.

Dana's dead dad's obituary

George E. Leighton 1926 - 2004 WEST SPRINGFIELD - George E. Leighton, 77, of Anaheim CA, and formerly of West Springfield, MA, died Friday, March 5, 2004 in Granada Hills, CA at his son's home. Born in Springfield to the late Joseph and Marjorie Leighton, he attended the U.S. Coast Guard Academy, received his BS in engineering from Georgia Tech University, and his MBA from American International College. An avid aviator, he was an FAA certified flight instructor and held an Airline Transport Pilot (ATP) rating. Up until recently he flew his Cessna 182 Skylane with glee. Self-employed as an acoustic and noise control consultant, he was previously employed locally as an aerospace engineer at Pratt & Whitney in East Hartford, Hamilton Standard in Windsor Locks, and Avco-Lycoming in Stratford, CT. He leaves 4 sons, Alan of West Springfield, Eric of Granada Hills, CA, Mark of Ellington, CT and Dana of Vancouver, Canada; his loving companion, Penny Cofield of Anaheim, CA; six grandchildren, Brian, David, Kyle, Shawn and Dylan Leighton, and Melissa Lengyel; and his former wife of 26 years, Jeannette Millett of West Springfield. He was predeceased by a son, Bruce Leighton and by his brother, Joseph Harlan Leighton. A funeral service will be held at the Mittineague Congregational Church, 1840 Westfield Street (Route 20), West Springfield, MA on Saturday, March 13, 2004 at 11:00 a.m. Donations may be made to the American Cancer Society in lieu of flowers. Published in The Republican from 3/11/2004 - 3/12/2004.

Dana's dad (when he was alive)

Thingy from Northwest Runner magazine about eeka's dead dad

A drawing someone did of eeka and EEK's dead dad (when he was alive) which EEK has tattooed on his arm

Jodie, to eeka: "Um, why does EEK have some guy on his arm?"

Rule number one of the dead dad club: never miss an opportunity to refer to dead dads

Jodie and eeka: [talking about computers]

Jaime: Hey, you guys just reminded me...you know what I want to get my dad?

Jodie: A tombstone?

OK, so this isn't dead dad stuff per se, but it's kind of related, and it's funny. So it's going here.

Jacqui: [something about a crack house]

eeka: My uncle has a crack house! Um, well, except he's dead now.

Jacqui: So it's a crack mausoleum?

Words of wisdom from Jodie

Dead dads are dads too. They're just dead. ~Jodie

EEK makes a dead dad joke; ER nurse not amused

EEK was at the ER and they were asking him for his parents' names and numbers and he gave them his dad's name but then said that if they called, he probably wouldn't be answering, because he's dead, and the nurse was like really disturbed by this.